I got chris browned last night
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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