Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
how does that bad decision feel?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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