if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
