she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
