Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
