I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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