It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
