so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
