Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
