Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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