I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
