I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
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All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
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Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
40s are totally the cure
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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