So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
