I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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