so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
