I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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