I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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