marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
