dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
