I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Pants 0. Shit 1.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just googled if crying burns calories
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
