Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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