Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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