you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
