Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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