Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Can you bring me the toilet please
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
