do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
