I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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