I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
