We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
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So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
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well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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