He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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