You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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