Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
