This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
