i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
