Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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