Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
