he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
