Jerry, you need to find god
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
