You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
