your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's shark week go big or go home
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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