I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
