I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
