Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
