You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
