my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize