You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
