every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
COCAINE IS GR8
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
