apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
