Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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