people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
