like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
