My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
