Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize