also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
