Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
