I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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