girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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