Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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