you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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