Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
