my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
