im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
