You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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