id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
