my vag is so smooth its legendary
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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