Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
