The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
