Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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