Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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