i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
