and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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