I want you more than these girls want KFC
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
