I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
