i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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