I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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