My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
