saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Randomize
