I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
