drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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