I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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