White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
