There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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