will power is for people who don't want to get laid
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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