Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
