Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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