Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
