We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
