shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
